As some of you have noticed it has been a while since our last post. There are a number of reasons for that, the main one being that Gilhooley got in a jam while he was in Chicago last Feb. and ended up in the slammer.
Some hard-nosed Assistant D.A. got him indicted, but fortunately for us by the time it came to trial each of the key witnesses had either come down with amnesia or moved without leaving a forwarding address.
It was a lot of bother but hey the Mob takes care of its own. We were disappointed to find that Queen Jane was still on the throne here in P-Town when we returned, but we were pleased to hear that more and more of her subjects are rebelling.
We understand that the new pub in town, the one named for Charles Dickens, hosted a play which poked fun at Jane and her CAVE people cohorts and that the play was sold out every night. Here's hoping that more and more citizens of P-Town will see how ridiules these idiots are and laugh them out of town. In the meantime don't forget to get your recall petition next month
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
GERIATRIC WARS?
We received a disturbing call today at the Hideout. Slattery, our resident technogeek was able to trace the call to a residence in Wheelersburg. Gilhooley took the call and reports that he thought the caller sounded a lot like Richie [The Rug] Noel but he can't be sure. Gilhooley's about as sharp as a beach ball, But we digress, to get back to the disturbing phone call, Gilhooley was certain that whomever the voice belonged to what they wanted was to put a contract out on Austin Leedom. It seems that the caller had read our latest post and was determined to "rub out the bastard who's trying to steal my Janie away" Gilhooley asked him how much he was willing to pay and was told that no price was too great as long as it wasn't more than $37.50. While the Irish Mob is as profit oriented as the next crime syndicate, we believe in giving fair value and even Gilhooley knew that $37.50 was a lot more than Leedom was worth. Gilhooley then explained to the caller that we no longer took contracts for hits and in fact no longer whacked people for any reason, [Honestly, we really don't.] Gilhooley says that at that point the old man began to sob and curse and swore that if any old timer was going to get into the Royal panties it would be him, why he hadn't spent all that time figuratively kissing her arse, just to let some two-bit rumor monger have the pleasure of literally kissing it. At which time Gilhooley hung up. Now we don't know who the caller was, after all Richie [The Rug] supposedly lives in Sciotoville; but as a public service we offer this advice to Messrs. Leedom & Noel and any other old fart out there who may have the hots for Queen Jane. All may be fair in love and war gentlemen, but please don't resort to violence, haven't you put our city through enough?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Austin Leedom Apparently Has the Hots for Mayor Murray
The Irish Mob was surprised and... ok a little creeped out to learn that local rumor monger and oily looking old gentleman, Austin Leedon apparently is attracted to Mayor Jane Murray, how else can you explain this:
See what we mean,,,,, the old guy is really kind of sweet in a creepy. brain damaged sort of way, The Mob had assumed at his age, with a prostate probably the size of a grapefruit, Austin would be beyond trying to impress a [relatively] young chick like Queen Jane with how chivalrous he is. What's next taking off that ridicules old blue trench coat and throwing it over a puddle, so Queen Jane doesn't get her little feet wet? Really, Austin, anyone who witnessed that meeting knows that all council was doing was attempting to stop the barracuda from eating this town alive. But hey, guys will do stupid things to try to impress chicks, so even though you appear to be a malicious moron we wish you well in your quest to get into the royal panties. Good luck, old timer.
Attacks on the new Mayor by the Solicitor and the aggressive councilmen were disagreeable, discourteous, unmanly and caused many witnesses to lower their estimation of the attackers who
were ganging up on a lady during her first meeting as Mayor. The offending attackers damaged themselves and lowered their already sub-par reputations.
In the days following the attack of these ruffians on the out-numbered lady Mayor I have heard ugly,
unkind remarks about Solicitor Jones, Councilmen John Haas, David Malone, Nick Basham and
ex-Mayor Jim Kalb because of their words and actions against the lady Mayor. One kindly old gentleman [Austin Leedom?]
remarked “Those fellows mistreating the lady Mayor during that meeting can in no way deserve to be called men. Real men don’t act that way.”
for the Mayor’s Office.
Written by Austin Leedom - Wednesday, 20 January 2010
See what we mean,,,,, the old guy is really kind of sweet in a creepy. brain damaged sort of way, The Mob had assumed at his age, with a prostate probably the size of a grapefruit, Austin would be beyond trying to impress a [relatively] young chick like Queen Jane with how chivalrous he is. What's next taking off that ridicules old blue trench coat and throwing it over a puddle, so Queen Jane doesn't get her little feet wet? Really, Austin, anyone who witnessed that meeting knows that all council was doing was attempting to stop the barracuda from eating this town alive. But hey, guys will do stupid things to try to impress chicks, so even though you appear to be a malicious moron we wish you well in your quest to get into the royal panties. Good luck, old timer.
Monday, January 18, 2010
QUEEN OF THE CAVE PEOPLE
The Irish Mob has received several comments re: the fact that its been a while since our last post. We appreciate the fact that people want to hear what we have to say but respectfully wish to remind everyone that running a crime syndicate is a very time consuming business. However we have managed to take a few moments to comment on last weeks Council meeting.
The Irish Mob does not attend City Council Meetings as a matter of principle. We prefer to deal with politicians in smoke-filled back rooms; however we did watch portions of it on the Zone website. Holy Sh***t!!! Is Mayor Murray a nut case or what? We haven't seen such unbridled egotism and self-importance since Scarface Al died. Queen Jane is even using the royal we when she condescends to address her subjects. We were very proud of how David Malone stood up for the rights and prerogatives of city council, in the face of the Mayor's threats to have anyone who voted against her brought up on charges and her near hysterical insistence that she be permitted to do whatever she wants since the people had elected her to govern. We wish that someone had pointed out to Jane, when she was demanding for the fourth or fifth time that Council reconsider legislation which she had proposed and which had already been defeated by a 4-2 vote, that our city council members are also elected by the people and they had voted no, so shut up, already. At any rate its clear to us and everyone else with any common sense, that Jane Murray is just another CAVE person like her two lackeys on Council, Richie "The Rug" Noel, and Kevin "The Gay Gladiator' Johnson. Unfortunately for our city Jane Murray appears to be the Queen of the CAVE people, she appears to be the CAVE person equivalent of the Incredible Hulk or Godzilla. We can only hope that Malone, Albrecht, Haas, and Basham will continue to represent the best interests of the city of Portsmouth and hold Queen Jane at bay until we can throw her ass out of office.
The Irish Mob does not attend City Council Meetings as a matter of principle. We prefer to deal with politicians in smoke-filled back rooms; however we did watch portions of it on the Zone website. Holy Sh***t!!! Is Mayor Murray a nut case or what? We haven't seen such unbridled egotism and self-importance since Scarface Al died. Queen Jane is even using the royal we when she condescends to address her subjects. We were very proud of how David Malone stood up for the rights and prerogatives of city council, in the face of the Mayor's threats to have anyone who voted against her brought up on charges and her near hysterical insistence that she be permitted to do whatever she wants since the people had elected her to govern. We wish that someone had pointed out to Jane, when she was demanding for the fourth or fifth time that Council reconsider legislation which she had proposed and which had already been defeated by a 4-2 vote, that our city council members are also elected by the people and they had voted no, so shut up, already. At any rate its clear to us and everyone else with any common sense, that Jane Murray is just another CAVE person like her two lackeys on Council, Richie "The Rug" Noel, and Kevin "The Gay Gladiator' Johnson. Unfortunately for our city Jane Murray appears to be the Queen of the CAVE people, she appears to be the CAVE person equivalent of the Incredible Hulk or Godzilla. We can only hope that Malone, Albrecht, Haas, and Basham will continue to represent the best interests of the city of Portsmouth and hold Queen Jane at bay until we can throw her ass out of office.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
QUEEN JANE APPROXIMATELY
JANIE, JANIE, JANIE, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
MASS FIRINGS! WILD ACCUSATIONS! BEHAVING AS IF YOU WERE OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL. REALLY, DEAR, THAT'S SO BUSH LEAGUE.
Everyone knows that power has to be used judiciously and wisely, if you really want your way and want to punish the folks who have pissed you off, without looking like a demented power hungry witch; you have to go about it the right way. You know, secret deals cut in smoke filled back rooms. You don't really believe that crap the CAVE people spout do you? Everyone knows that Portsmouth problems stem from previous administrations refusal to listen to reason. We're the Irish Mob, we understand real politics. We know how to get things done without raising a ruckus. You really should give us a call before you screw things up so badly even we can't fix it. [We hear the EPA is going to fine the city $10,000 per day for not having someone with a class 4 license running the water works. Very sloppy, Jane. C'mon, give us a call what's it going to hurt? Don't wait until it gets as bad as this:
WITH APOLOGIES TO BOB DYLAN
When the city soliciter sends back all your grand statements
And the EPA to the city explains
That you've high handedness is costing us a bundle
Won't you come see us Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Now when all of the CAVE people want back the support they've lent you
And the sound of their cheers does not remain
And all of Portsmouth's citizens resent you
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Now when the clowns from Lexington, you've commissioned
Have seen that your plans were all in vain
And you're sick of all your retribution
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
When all of your advisers have lawsuits pending
Because you didn't think this volunteer cabinet through
And you realize your egomaniacal dream is ending
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Now when all the felons that you called to advise you
All steal more city property and complain
And you want somebody who can help you get your way
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
The Irish Mob: Helping Egotistical Politicians get their way since 1885. Give us a call Janie, we can help .
IF ITS THIS MESSY AFTER 3 DAYS IMAGINE WHERE WE'LL BE IN A MONTH.
MASS FIRINGS! WILD ACCUSATIONS! BEHAVING AS IF YOU WERE OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL. REALLY, DEAR, THAT'S SO BUSH LEAGUE.
Everyone knows that power has to be used judiciously and wisely, if you really want your way and want to punish the folks who have pissed you off, without looking like a demented power hungry witch; you have to go about it the right way. You know, secret deals cut in smoke filled back rooms. You don't really believe that crap the CAVE people spout do you? Everyone knows that Portsmouth problems stem from previous administrations refusal to listen to reason. We're the Irish Mob, we understand real politics. We know how to get things done without raising a ruckus. You really should give us a call before you screw things up so badly even we can't fix it. [We hear the EPA is going to fine the city $10,000 per day for not having someone with a class 4 license running the water works. Very sloppy, Jane. C'mon, give us a call what's it going to hurt? Don't wait until it gets as bad as this:
WITH APOLOGIES TO BOB DYLAN
When the city soliciter sends back all your grand statements
And the EPA to the city explains
That you've high handedness is costing us a bundle
Won't you come see us Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Now when all of the CAVE people want back the support they've lent you
And the sound of their cheers does not remain
And all of Portsmouth's citizens resent you
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Now when the clowns from Lexington, you've commissioned
Have seen that your plans were all in vain
And you're sick of all your retribution
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
When all of your advisers have lawsuits pending
Because you didn't think this volunteer cabinet through
And you realize your egomaniacal dream is ending
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Now when all the felons that you called to advise you
All steal more city property and complain
And you want somebody who can help you get your way
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
Won't you come see us, Queen Jane?
The Irish Mob: Helping Egotistical Politicians get their way since 1885. Give us a call Janie, we can help .
IF ITS THIS MESSY AFTER 3 DAYS IMAGINE WHERE WE'LL BE IN A MONTH.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
TOP TEN THINGS WE'D LOVE TO SEE IN 2010
10. Kevin Johnson and Robert Forrey fall in love and move to Portsmouth New Hampshire where they can be be legally wed and still work to ruin a city named Portsmouth.
9. Teresa Mollette begins anger management therapy after Drs. warn that attending one more city council meeting could cause her head to explode.
8. Austin Leedom learns to write, stops lying and pays his taxes.
7. City of Portsmouth finally gains the money needed to fix the Grandview Ave. sewer problems when Rich Knoll pays 20 yrs of back water and sewer bills.
6. Jane Murray faces fact that being Mayor of Portsmouth doesn't make her a world leader and returns to Lexington, KY.
5. Harold Daub shaves ridicules moustache and gives up favorite passtime of being a public pain in the ass.
4. P-Town Underground wins best public service blog award.
3. SOGP and City Government cleared of all graft and corruption charges when it is revealed that Irish Mob really runs the city.
2. No property owned by Lee Scott burns down.
1. Everyone stops bitching and starts working together to make our town grow again.
.
9. Teresa Mollette begins anger management therapy after Drs. warn that attending one more city council meeting could cause her head to explode.
8. Austin Leedom learns to write, stops lying and pays his taxes.
7. City of Portsmouth finally gains the money needed to fix the Grandview Ave. sewer problems when Rich Knoll pays 20 yrs of back water and sewer bills.
6. Jane Murray faces fact that being Mayor of Portsmouth doesn't make her a world leader and returns to Lexington, KY.
5. Harold Daub shaves ridicules moustache and gives up favorite passtime of being a public pain in the ass.
4. P-Town Underground wins best public service blog award.
3. SOGP and City Government cleared of all graft and corruption charges when it is revealed that Irish Mob really runs the city.
2. No property owned by Lee Scott burns down.
1. Everyone stops bitching and starts working together to make our town grow again.
.
Friday, December 25, 2009
BEHOLD! I BRING YOU TIDINGS OF GREAT JOY!
FIRST THE REALLY GOOD NEWS: CHRIST IS BORN! ALLELUIA!
MERRY CHRISTMAS PORTSMOUTH!
APPARENTLY THE IRISH MOB'S HARD HITTING INVESTIGATIVE
REPORT ON THE BABY JESUS ABDUCTIONS, HAS HIT A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO HOME. BELOW IS A QUOTE FROM THAT CRAPPY EXCUSE FOR A BLOG THAT FORREY OPERATES :
" I will be taking a sabbatical from River Vices for the first half of 2010 to prepare a publication for the 300th anniversary of a church in my hometown, in Massachusetts, which I mentioned in a previous posting. I know that the results of the recent municipal elections in Portsmouth, while encouraging, do not signal the end of the problems plaguing our community, including d rugs and prostitution, but rather just the first tentative steps toward addressing them. I wish I could continue to investigate and comment on those problems in the months ahead. But I know from the past four and a half years of writing River Vices that it takes up more time than most people might imagine. It is not the writing—it is the research and the editing (the editing above all) that demands so much time. I envy those who can knock off a piece of writing with no sweat in no time. I agonize over each word and sentence and I revise constantly, and still end up dissatisfied with the results." HERE'S A NEWS FLASH, DOC A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR RESULTS. FORREY GOES ON TO ACCUSE ANONYMOUS BLOGS LIKE OURS OF EITHER BEING RUN BY DERANGED PERSONS OR SKUNKS OR POSSIBLY IT COULD BE REGULAR PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT THE CAVE PEOPLE POKING AROUND IN THEIR PRIVATE LIVES OR IN OUR CASE IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE WE'RE MOBSTERS AND IN MOB CIRCLES IT PAYS TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE. THE BIG QUESTION IS WHAT IS A GAY, ATHIEST A**HOLE LIKE FORREY, DOING WORKING ON ANYTHING FOR A CHURCH, HE PROBABLY PLANS ON STEALING THEIR BABY JESUS. BUT ANYWAY AT LEAST ONE ANNOYING JERK SHOULD BE OUT OF THE BLOGOSPHERE, WE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT IT WILL PROVE TO BE PERMANENT, MAYBE GOD WILL GET HIM FOR HIS HEINOUS CRIME SPREE THIS CHRISTMAS OR MAYBE HE'LL RUN AFOUL OF SOME MOBSTERS WHO ARE NOT AS KIND AND GENTLE AS US. HEY IT COULD HAPPEN.
MERRY CHRISTMAS PORTSMOUTH!
APPARENTLY THE IRISH MOB'S HARD HITTING INVESTIGATIVE
REPORT ON THE BABY JESUS ABDUCTIONS, HAS HIT A LITTLE TOO CLOSE TO HOME. BELOW IS A QUOTE FROM THAT CRAPPY EXCUSE FOR A BLOG THAT FORREY OPERATES :
" I will be taking a sabbatical from River Vices for the first half of 2010 to prepare a publication for the 300th anniversary of a church in my hometown, in Massachusetts, which I mentioned in a previous posting. I know that the results of the recent municipal elections in Portsmouth, while encouraging, do not signal the end of the problems plaguing our community, including d rugs and prostitution, but rather just the first tentative steps toward addressing them. I wish I could continue to investigate and comment on those problems in the months ahead. But I know from the past four and a half years of writing River Vices that it takes up more time than most people might imagine. It is not the writing—it is the research and the editing (the editing above all) that demands so much time. I envy those who can knock off a piece of writing with no sweat in no time. I agonize over each word and sentence and I revise constantly, and still end up dissatisfied with the results." HERE'S A NEWS FLASH, DOC A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR RESULTS. FORREY GOES ON TO ACCUSE ANONYMOUS BLOGS LIKE OURS OF EITHER BEING RUN BY DERANGED PERSONS OR SKUNKS OR POSSIBLY IT COULD BE REGULAR PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT THE CAVE PEOPLE POKING AROUND IN THEIR PRIVATE LIVES OR IN OUR CASE IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE WE'RE MOBSTERS AND IN MOB CIRCLES IT PAYS TO KEEP A LOW PROFILE. THE BIG QUESTION IS WHAT IS A GAY, ATHIEST A**HOLE LIKE FORREY, DOING WORKING ON ANYTHING FOR A CHURCH, HE PROBABLY PLANS ON STEALING THEIR BABY JESUS. BUT ANYWAY AT LEAST ONE ANNOYING JERK SHOULD BE OUT OF THE BLOGOSPHERE, WE CAN ONLY HOPE THAT IT WILL PROVE TO BE PERMANENT, MAYBE GOD WILL GET HIM FOR HIS HEINOUS CRIME SPREE THIS CHRISTMAS OR MAYBE HE'LL RUN AFOUL OF SOME MOBSTERS WHO ARE NOT AS KIND AND GENTLE AS US. HEY IT COULD HAPPEN.
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