GERIATRIC WARS?

We received a disturbing call today at the Hideout.  Slattery, our resident technogeek was able to trace the call to a residence in Wheelersburg.  Gilhooley took the call and reports that he thought the caller sounded a lot like Richie [The Rug] Noel but he can't be sure. Gilhooley's about as sharp as a beach ball,  But we digress, to get back to the disturbing phone call, Gilhooley was certain that whomever the voice belonged to what they wanted was to put a contract out on Austin Leedom.  It seems that the caller had read our latest post and was determined to "rub out the bastard who's trying to steal my Janie away" Gilhooley asked him how much he was willing to pay and was told that no price was too great as long as it wasn't more than $37.50. While the Irish Mob is as profit oriented as the next crime syndicate, we believe in giving fair value and even Gilhooley knew that $37.50 was a lot more than Leedom was worth. Gilhooley then explained to the caller that we no longer took contracts for hits and in fact no longer whacked people for any reason, [Honestly, we really don't.] Gilhooley says that at that point the old man began to sob and curse and swore that if any old timer was going to get into the Royal panties it would be him, why he hadn't spent all that time figuratively kissing her arse, just to let some two-bit rumor monger have the pleasure of literally kissing it. At which time Gilhooley hung up. Now we don't know who the caller was, after all Richie [The Rug] supposedly lives in Sciotoville; but as a public service we offer this advice to Messrs. Leedom & Noel and any other old fart out there who may have the hots for Queen Jane. All may be fair in love and war gentlemen, but please don't resort to violence, haven't you put our city through enough?